The Voice That Shows Up at the Table: Eating Disorders, Body Image, and Self-Compassion During the Holidays
The holidays can bring warmth, nostalgia, and connection - and also discomfort, anxiety, and that old, familiar inner voice that tells you to watch what you eat or earn your meals.
If you’ve ever had a complicated relationship with food or your body, this time of year can feel like a minefield. Every gathering seems to center around food. Every conversation feels laced with body talk. And while others might seem carefree, you might notice yourself hyperaware of what’s on your plate… or what’s on everyone else’s.
Step One: Notice What’s Coming Up
Rather than pushing those thoughts or urges away, what would it be like to notice them?
The part of you that worries about food, appearance, or control, I call mine my Eating Disorder/Perfectionist Part, has probably been around for a while. It learned, at some point, that it needed to help you feel safe. It may have tried to protect you from rejection, shame, or chaos by offering a sense of order or comfort through control.
So when that voice pops up during a holiday meal (“You should skip dessert,” “Everyone’s watching you eat,” “You’ll have to work this off later”), pause. Breathe. And see if you can greet it with curiosity instead of criticism.
“Ah, there you are. You’re trying to protect me again.”
That simple noticing, without fusing or fighting, creates space between you and the part. It reminds your nervous system that you are not that voice. You are the one noticing it.
Step Two: Name the Function, Not the Fault
Rather than judging the part, identify what it’s trying to do.
Is it protecting you from judgment? Trying to help you feel in control when life feels unpredictable? Trying to numb feelings of loneliness or overwhelm that surface during family gatherings?
When we understand the function of a part, we can respond to it compassionately instead of reacting to it.
You might even say internally:
“Thank you for trying to keep me safe. I can take it from here.”
A Note From Me
Even as a therapist, I’m not immune to this voice. Around the holidays, I notice my own ED Part showing up, especially when things feel chaotic, overstimulating, or emotionally heavy.
For me, it doesn’t always sound like “don’t eat that” anymore. Sometimes it feels more like an internal tightening, an urge to control something when life feels too big. I notice distress creeping in, wanting to manage, restrict, or plan everything perfectly. I especially notice this part in my body - my muscles tighten, I feel closed off and I can’t breathe into this part.
That’s usually my cue that this part is trying to protect me from something deeper—discomfort, uncertainty, or the vulnerability that comes with being fully present. When I can see it that way, I don’t have to obey it or fight it. I can thank it for trying to help and remind myself that I can stay with what’s happening, even when it feels uncomfortable.
Step Three: Anchor Back to the Present
Once you’ve noticed and named the part, gently bring yourself back to the moment.
What’s happening around you right now? What do you smell, taste, or hear? Is there warmth in your chest from the mulled wine, laughter from the next room, or the scent of something sweet baking?
Coming back to the present reminds the body that this moment is safe—and that the protector part doesn’t have to take over.
Step Four: Choose Response Over Reaction
Responding to your Eating Disorder Part might look like:
Taking a grounding breath before a meal.
Leaving the room to get some fresh air if body talk starts.
Eating what feels satisfying, not what feels “safe.”
Texting a trusted friend or support if you need to feel seen.
Saying, “I’m focusing on enjoying the food,” when someone comments on your plate.
The holidays are not a test of willpower or recovery perfection. They’re an opportunity to practice noticing - to observe the parts of you that arise and to remind them (and yourself) that you’re allowed to be here, in your body, in this season, as you are.
A Final Reflection
Sometimes, the most healing thing we can do is simply witness ourselves.
Not fix. Not fight. Just notice.
If the holidays stir up old patterns, remember that awareness itself is progress. Each time you catch that voice and meet it with compassion, you’re teaching your system that safety isn’t found in control; it’s found in connection.
You are not your eating disorder.
You are the one who notices it.
